ARE YOU IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP

Bad Relationship Alert!  Sometimes it’s difficult to know what is good and bad when it comes to relationships?  What you think is a great or healthy relationship, to another the relationship may appear terrible!  Everyone wants different things from a relationship… do you know what kind of relationship supports you and brings you love and joy?

A Bad relationship is something that may be obvious to you or you may not realise that you’re involved in relationship that is going nowhere fast and may be causing you more grief than you realise.

Obvious signs are physical or emotional abuse, however there are many more behaviours that are sometimes subtle, and if you are not clear and emotionally aware you might find you’re not able to effectively see the distorted and unhealthy dynamics in your relationship.  Sometimes it’s easier to blame the other person when in fact you are also contributing to the the break-down of the relationship.  It’s time to open your eyes, heart and mind and be honest with yourself.  The sooner you do this the sooner you’ll be able to mend your troubled relationship or end it!

Some things to look out for…

• The person is not a person of their word
• You question their integrity
• You suspect or know that they are lying about various things
• You might feel controlled or manipulated
• You’re not able to communicate effectively
• Emotionally shutdown
• There is neediness and confidence issues
• There is a lack of “trust”
• There is no love, care or nurturing
• There is unhappiness & discontent
• You have little in common, no obvious shared interests
• Your core values are not aligned
• You are not socially interactive
• There is anger and jealousy present
• Regularly you feel belittled and put down
• You have very different aspirations for your future that may clash

All relationships have their challenges, this is normal, however if one or both people in the relationship are not able to be open to learning and growing then you might very well be in a bad relationship!  If this is the case it’s certainly time to get real and take a good look at your relationship goals, desired lifestyle and whether the person you are with is part of this journey.

Why do people stay in Bad Relationships?

This is something that the person in the relationship can only answer.  Sometimes the reasons are complex yet not necessarily difficult to work through once you take some steps to address what is happening inside of you. 

If you are miserable and no matter how hard you have tried to make the relationship work you stay – then here are some possible reasons as to why you might be stuck.

1. Fear that no-one else will want you (especially if there has been physical/emotional abuse)
2. Getting too old to meet someone else
3. He/she said they would change
4. Financial ties
5. Scared of being alone
6. Staying because of the children
7. Religious beliefs
8. In denial…. the list goes on…

What is stopping you from moving on?  What is stopping you from looking after yourself, your emotional and physical self?  I can assure you that if you are in an unhealthy relationship it affects all areas of your life – mentally, emotionally, spiritually & physically.

Can a bad relationship become a healthy relationship?

This depends on your unique situation.  In a nutshell, of course a relationship can improve, that is if both parties are willing to put in the effort.  An improvement does not necessarily mean that it will be a healthy relationship.  Small changes are encouraging, however they need to continued and expanded upon – are these changes maintained or does the person fall back into old habits in a short period of time?

You need to be committed and to work together as a team!  Of course you will have differences, you are not the same person, however are you willing to support each other, to love and nurture the relationship, to listen and care?